| Position | Insult | Author |
| #1 | I'd set you up with a blind date, but unfortunately blind people usually have a well-developed sense of smell. | DTal |
| #2 | No, actually, we were laughing at you. | uncredible |
| #3 | Your family tries the best they can to put up with your 'wit' but it's really straining them. | |
| #4 | Until you, I had never witnessed a facial prolapse. | Dichotomyboi |
| #5 | When you enter a room, it's like someone with incredible charisma has just left. | BaronWR |
| #6 | When I said 'maybe we should have lunch some day,' what I really meant was 'I hope you die of syphilis before I'm forced to breathe any more of the same air as you.' | Dreamvirus |
| #7 | Your mother reminds me of a brick... dense, rough, and easily laid. | Hazelnut |
| #8 | All the booze in the world ain't gonna get you laid honey. Sorry. | |
| #9 | If your existence fills a niche, it must be one totally abhorrent to all other known forms of life. | Beanie127 |
| #10 | Your horoscope, week ending August 9: Shut your fucking worthless face | |